More than 42 million hits are Google’s response to the question, how a good “CRM” – also customer relationship management - looks like. Best practice – academic sources demonstrate successful interactions with one's clientele.

Where tables turn drastically is when one is able to lose customers in the most efficient way. All of them. Quickly. Forever. We begin the experiment – well, at least mentally.

Communicating loudly - no content needed.

Communication is absolutely mandatory in each and every agency. Those who communicate effectively generate attention – no matter what they are communicating. This means, also in slack periods try to tell the world in the loudest, most vibrant and fanciest way what is happening right now at this very moment. Even though nothing is happening at all. Not feeding recipients with information constantly, even though they might be considered completely irrelevant, can lead to the suspicion of hiding something.

Therefore, make sure to supply your Facebook, Twitter, Google + or any other platform with input continuously – digital vuvuzelaing virtually. Or even superior: connect all of the channels with each other in order to make sure that your concern reaches the customer on all angels. As we all know: two is always better than one.

Availiability is weakness.

Those who are always available, whether that be always answering the telephone or even responding to emails two minutes after work is over, are far too noticeable. Availability is a sign of weakness. It would be far more effective for you to install a Dummy-Mail-Account with the address secretary@[company name].com – making it particularly interesting if you don’t even have a secretary accessible. This conveys the impression of strict hierarchies and thus you can always put the blame on someone else.

Additionally, you can redirect any call straight to your voicemail. Your secretary can after all take care of the return calls afterwards.

Offering standards. No special requests.

A long time ago you had this major coup that sold the perfect offer to the renowned client for a substantial amount of money. For this reason you still brag about this story in each and every sales pitch and communicate competence, expertise, and overall knowledge about the market in 60 perfectly staged seconds.

Since this offer was so successful with the one client, why should it do differently with other clients? This is why doing well once means always doing well. Expecting a personalized or even tailor-crafted offer provokes a smug laugh on your side. In the end, client is equally customer.

Promises speak louder than actions.

In the competition to gain clients and obtain order confirmations one has to overbid the business competition; at least in the short-run. Keep promising everything that comes into your head, as this might serve as a strong argument. Make sure not to exclude any aspects in advance. As soon as you have accomplished the contract in your own hands, then the only issue is fine-tuning. This allows for services to actually be performed. This step of the procedure is preferably done in the presence of the customer.

Finally, you can shift back to your standard offer in which you clarify that you are able to provide fast, efficient, and successful services.

Contempt is an evidence of competence.

Try to treat your clients in a condescending way at all times. After all, you are the one who actually has a clue. Making sure your client has perceived competence or expertise and needs to be hindered immediately. If a client turns out to possess certain knowledge about the issue, you better manage to encounter this potential threat in a dismissive manner. You are the one who after all provides the service for him. Hence, he is obviously not in a position to help himself.

Make sure to demonstrate your superiority within the service through verbal and body language. Even more so: within this whole entire project… actually, within all of life.

Intransparent costs.

Counteracting with monotony within the sale of standardized offers, leads you to be well advised to perform modifications - at least in the expense of budgeting. This little trick diversifies your everyday work and, nonetheless, generates fiscal variability that serve as a counterargument for the accusation of providing the same performance over and over again. Since it is not at the same prize, it also cannot be considered the same service, correct?

For the most efficient implementation of this method, it is recommended to construct expense factors that appear effortful in delivery, yet are also at the same time, very vaguely described - hence they can easily be brought forwards as an argument in any random setting or situation. Perfectly suitable statements are, for example:

• All operating expenses experienced by the contractor during the period of performance will be covered by the responsibility of the customer.


• For services, delivered from the contractor (that’s you) to an extent that goes beyond the dimension agreed in the deal are invoiced at a given cost.


• The contractor shall be entitled to charge any costs for repair and maintenance separately from the expenses experienced due to poor performance.

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